Cheese: Norwegian Jarlsberg (approx 100g)
I had this dream a few days ago, it was quite bizarre and a little difficult to piece together afterwards.
I was at some sort of festival or carnival with my wife and some friends. There were all sorts of rides and weird and wonderful sights there. Clowns, people on stilts, people breathing fire, game stalls, everything really.
My wife was wearing a very short dress and was quite drunk and was generally leading the merry dance as we wandered from stall to stall and field to field. She seemed to be loving it and absolutely in her element.
At one point we went into a circus tent where comedian and television presenter Rufus Hound was the ring master. He was taming lions, in a big hat that had 'Lion Tamer' written on it in big neon letters.
Unfortunately he wasn't very good at it, as one of the lions chewed his arm off. But credit to him, he fought back with the other arm, and continued to whip the lions with one arm, while the other spurted blood. The loss of blood was causing him to become less coherent and clearly less conscious. Thankfully Jimmy Carr came in and managed to drag him out.
Unfortunately Jimmy Carr was not eaten by the lions, although we were all shouting at the lions to eat him.
When we left the tent it was dark, and we went to a stone circle where my mate who now lives in Australia was twirling his firestaff standing on top of one of the stones. When he saw me he got down and we started chatting. He said he was in town for the carnival but was going back to Australia very shortly. He said he had some spare tickets and me and my wife should go with him.
I was well up for a free trip to Australia. He said to meet him at the airport. We continued to explore the festival, my wife was also up for going to Australia, but was also easily distracted by the bright lights of the carnival. She was also pretty wankered on what I think was strawberry cider.
Co-ordinating her became rather difficult. I managed to get her in the vicinity of the car so I could try and get some stuff packed, but I started to realise that getting home to pack and then getting to the airport wasn't going to happen.
We tried to head home but there was a massive queue leaving the carnival, my mate rang me while we trying to get out, and we'd missed the flight. I was gutted. The festival had been ace though, and I'd got to see my friend.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 7
Amusement Factor: 7
Enjoyability: 6
Coherence: 2
Vividness: 5
Tuesday 30 March 2010
Wednesday 24 March 2010
Ice Assault
Cheese: Yarg (approx 100g)
I was at my work, it was cold outside and there was thick snow on the ground. We all had to go out on some sort of treasure hunt type thing where we had clue and had to search for more clues. This treasure hunt was being run by former Blue Peter presenter Sarah Greene.
When I got back to the office, I was on the first floor and the floor started to collapse in the corner, next to where the next door office is doing building work. As a result everyone had to leave the building.
As we filed out, some unpleasant bully started throwing snowballs at Sarah Greene. I decided to stop him by pushing on the roof of the smoking shelter, causing an avalanche of snow to fall on his head, completely burying him.
Through the snow he threatened to kick my ass, so I just picked up a massive lump of iced-up snow and chucked on the pile of snow he was already under.
Freakiness: 6
Nightmare Factor: 5
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 6
Coherence: 3
Vividness: 3
I was at my work, it was cold outside and there was thick snow on the ground. We all had to go out on some sort of treasure hunt type thing where we had clue and had to search for more clues. This treasure hunt was being run by former Blue Peter presenter Sarah Greene.
When I got back to the office, I was on the first floor and the floor started to collapse in the corner, next to where the next door office is doing building work. As a result everyone had to leave the building.
As we filed out, some unpleasant bully started throwing snowballs at Sarah Greene. I decided to stop him by pushing on the roof of the smoking shelter, causing an avalanche of snow to fall on his head, completely burying him.
Through the snow he threatened to kick my ass, so I just picked up a massive lump of iced-up snow and chucked on the pile of snow he was already under.
Freakiness: 6
Nightmare Factor: 5
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 6
Coherence: 3
Vividness: 3
Thursday 18 March 2010
New Adventures in Chaource
I had a really cool dream at the weekend, wrote down a load of notes as soon as I woke up, but didn't get round to writing it up until yesterday, when I came to look at my notes I couldn't remember anything. I'm going to have to learn to write up faster!
Cheese: Chaource (approx 60g)
Dream 1
I was driving in a car with some of my American relatives, we were going to a wedding of some people I really couldn't stand (although I'm not sure who they were). I made no secret of my disdain in the car.
We drove through some torrential downpours which led to concern about getting very wet when we got there. Luckily my uncle had packed some polythene rain ponchos to keep us dry.
We eventually parked up somewhere, donned our ponchos and proceeded to walk to the wedding. Some way down the road we realised we'd forgotten to buy a parking ticket. My uncle explained that we just needed to leave a note of his zip code on the car, and then it would be OK. I memorised his zip code went back to the car and left a note.
We then walked up to the wedding. Everyone was wearing really bad 70s suits, with very frilly dress shirts. I just thought everyone looked like a twat. It then started to rain very heavily and everyone except us got wet, because we had our ponchos. This was excellent because everyone hid under the tables, but we were able to snaffle everything at the buffet, as there was no-one else eating. We had to do this quickly, as the food started to get soggy.
Freakiness: 6
Nightmare Factor: 4
Amusement Factor: 4
Enjoyability: 6
Coherence: 7
Vividness: 6
Dream 2
I was out with a friend of mine and we were drinking in some old pub somewhere - well I was drinking, he doesn't drink. There were quite a few people dotted around that I knew, including a really mouthy kid from school who used to get on my tits.
At one point, some lesbian started kicking off with me, accusing me of being a homophobe, despite the fact that I'm not and hadn't done or said anything which justified her accusations. The mouthy kid from school tried to stir saying I'd said this, that and the other, I think he just had a chip on his shoulder because he came out as bisexual a year or two after we left school.
I told him to shut up. He didn't, so I punched him in the mouth. Not hard, but enough so he would get the message.
At this point, the lesbian's partner showed up, and she was heavily pregnant with her bulge on full display. She was a proper angry lesbian and started asking me if I was going to punch a pregnant woman, obviously I said no, then she said that she 'bet I had at some point'.
Then she started saying that I must have a problem with a pregnant lesbian. I told her to fuck right off and that she had no place judging me, and if she wasn't an utter scumbag, she'd be more concerned with her unborn child than abusing random strangers.
My mate started laughing at her and called her a pathetic retard. She disappeared after that. My mate gave me a lift home, but on the way, I realised I'd forgotten my coat so we had to go back. The pub was dark and deserted when we got back, it was quite freaky, but I got my coat and my mate gave me a lift home.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 8
Amusement Factor: 3
Enjoyability: 4
Coherence: 6
Vividness: 5
Cheese: Chaource (approx 60g)
Dream 1
I was driving in a car with some of my American relatives, we were going to a wedding of some people I really couldn't stand (although I'm not sure who they were). I made no secret of my disdain in the car.
We drove through some torrential downpours which led to concern about getting very wet when we got there. Luckily my uncle had packed some polythene rain ponchos to keep us dry.
We eventually parked up somewhere, donned our ponchos and proceeded to walk to the wedding. Some way down the road we realised we'd forgotten to buy a parking ticket. My uncle explained that we just needed to leave a note of his zip code on the car, and then it would be OK. I memorised his zip code went back to the car and left a note.
We then walked up to the wedding. Everyone was wearing really bad 70s suits, with very frilly dress shirts. I just thought everyone looked like a twat. It then started to rain very heavily and everyone except us got wet, because we had our ponchos. This was excellent because everyone hid under the tables, but we were able to snaffle everything at the buffet, as there was no-one else eating. We had to do this quickly, as the food started to get soggy.
Freakiness: 6
Nightmare Factor: 4
Amusement Factor: 4
Enjoyability: 6
Coherence: 7
Vividness: 6
Dream 2
I was out with a friend of mine and we were drinking in some old pub somewhere - well I was drinking, he doesn't drink. There were quite a few people dotted around that I knew, including a really mouthy kid from school who used to get on my tits.
At one point, some lesbian started kicking off with me, accusing me of being a homophobe, despite the fact that I'm not and hadn't done or said anything which justified her accusations. The mouthy kid from school tried to stir saying I'd said this, that and the other, I think he just had a chip on his shoulder because he came out as bisexual a year or two after we left school.
I told him to shut up. He didn't, so I punched him in the mouth. Not hard, but enough so he would get the message.
At this point, the lesbian's partner showed up, and she was heavily pregnant with her bulge on full display. She was a proper angry lesbian and started asking me if I was going to punch a pregnant woman, obviously I said no, then she said that she 'bet I had at some point'.
Then she started saying that I must have a problem with a pregnant lesbian. I told her to fuck right off and that she had no place judging me, and if she wasn't an utter scumbag, she'd be more concerned with her unborn child than abusing random strangers.
My mate started laughing at her and called her a pathetic retard. She disappeared after that. My mate gave me a lift home, but on the way, I realised I'd forgotten my coat so we had to go back. The pub was dark and deserted when we got back, it was quite freaky, but I got my coat and my mate gave me a lift home.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 8
Amusement Factor: 3
Enjoyability: 4
Coherence: 6
Vividness: 5
Thursday 11 March 2010
Dreaming Gate 1
A breakthrough. With the help of some particularly strong Lancashire cheese, I was able to pass through Castaneda's 1st Gate of Dreaming. I have only achieved this on a few occasions in the last few years.
I succeeded in finding my hands which bring about a much more heightened and intense state of dreaming. Unfortunately, the heightened level of self awareness it brings so far leads me to realise I'm dreaming, and it makes it difficult to sustain the state.
Unfortunately it's been so long since I read any of Castaneda's work, I couldn't remember what to do next - find and follow a Scout. As a result, I got stuck having gone through Gate 1.
Cheese: Lancashire (approx 100g)
I was sitting on the back seat of a bus, I must have been in a heightened state, because I realised I was, and instinctively thought to look at my hands. I looked down at my hands and turned them over (I think this may be the beginning of Gate 2).
I looked up and the back of the bus where I was sitting was pretty busy. I was in the middle of the back seat, there was a dodgy looking man facing me to the left, a mother and her child to my immediate left and an old lady facing me to the right. I didn't pay too much attention to them as I was trying to see where the bus was going. It was heading down a suburban street towards a T-junction.
I was aware of two noisy children sat the other side of the dodgy man, but I could see them as he was in the way.
Unfortunately I was not able to maintain the state for very long.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 6
Amusement Factor: 2
Enjoyability: 5
Coherence: 10
Vividness: 10
I succeeded in finding my hands which bring about a much more heightened and intense state of dreaming. Unfortunately, the heightened level of self awareness it brings so far leads me to realise I'm dreaming, and it makes it difficult to sustain the state.
Unfortunately it's been so long since I read any of Castaneda's work, I couldn't remember what to do next - find and follow a Scout. As a result, I got stuck having gone through Gate 1.
Cheese: Lancashire (approx 100g)
I was sitting on the back seat of a bus, I must have been in a heightened state, because I realised I was, and instinctively thought to look at my hands. I looked down at my hands and turned them over (I think this may be the beginning of Gate 2).
I looked up and the back of the bus where I was sitting was pretty busy. I was in the middle of the back seat, there was a dodgy looking man facing me to the left, a mother and her child to my immediate left and an old lady facing me to the right. I didn't pay too much attention to them as I was trying to see where the bus was going. It was heading down a suburban street towards a T-junction.
I was aware of two noisy children sat the other side of the dodgy man, but I could see them as he was in the way.
Unfortunately I was not able to maintain the state for very long.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 6
Amusement Factor: 2
Enjoyability: 5
Coherence: 10
Vividness: 10
Wednesday 10 March 2010
Strange Parties
Cheese: Brie (approx 60g)
Someone I knew from school was having a birthday party. There was a cabaret act, and some guy turned up before hand with a trunk full of stuff for his cabaret act with the names of famous people he impersonated on the side - Frank Sinatra, Elvis, Elton John etc.
People started to arrive for the party and after a while the cabaret act started. Everyone stood at one end of the room watching the cabaret act. I was at the back. The entertainment seemed to involve people in freaky black and white masks.
For some reason I was lying on the floor at the back, looking up. One of the acts seemed to peer over the top of everyone and was looking down at me. He threw a piece of paper at me, which on closer inspection was some sort of origami figure. He motioned me to throw it back to him. This game of catch continued for a while.
After the cabaret act had finished everyone got drunk. I woke up the next morning still in the venue where the party had taken place. In the reception are there was an elderly Indian couple with a camcorder. They had recorded the previous night's festivities and were showing people what they'd filmed. I watched some of it and there was footage of the party and people talking and drinking. There was also some footage of the entertainment, which seemingly had been a Chinese Dragon, which I hadn't realised as I'd been lying on the floor.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 4
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 5
Coherence: 4
Vividness: 5
Someone I knew from school was having a birthday party. There was a cabaret act, and some guy turned up before hand with a trunk full of stuff for his cabaret act with the names of famous people he impersonated on the side - Frank Sinatra, Elvis, Elton John etc.
People started to arrive for the party and after a while the cabaret act started. Everyone stood at one end of the room watching the cabaret act. I was at the back. The entertainment seemed to involve people in freaky black and white masks.
For some reason I was lying on the floor at the back, looking up. One of the acts seemed to peer over the top of everyone and was looking down at me. He threw a piece of paper at me, which on closer inspection was some sort of origami figure. He motioned me to throw it back to him. This game of catch continued for a while.
After the cabaret act had finished everyone got drunk. I woke up the next morning still in the venue where the party had taken place. In the reception are there was an elderly Indian couple with a camcorder. They had recorded the previous night's festivities and were showing people what they'd filmed. I watched some of it and there was footage of the party and people talking and drinking. There was also some footage of the entertainment, which seemingly had been a Chinese Dragon, which I hadn't realised as I'd been lying on the floor.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 4
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 5
Coherence: 4
Vividness: 5
Monday 8 March 2010
Seriously Odd
A very freaky dream, from what could be a potentially volatile cocktail of cheese.
Cheese: A cocktail of Brie, Stilton and Cheddar (had as part of a cheeseboard in a restaurant)
This dream was quite strange, but I do remember a specific segment very clearly. We were hanging around in a house (not a house I've ever seen before), there was me, my dad, my sister and a couple of other people (although I can't remember who).
There had clearly been a party as there were empty cans and glasses everywhere. It must have been the next morning, as it was daylight and we were all in our pyjamas watching TV.
There was a knock on the door, we got up to see who it was and it was a family down the street who had invited us over for lunch. It turned out the dad was Ray Winstone. We said we'd get ready and come down.
A bit later we all piled into the car (I'm not sure why, when we were only going down the road). Ray Winstone was outside and pointed out that we were still in our pyjamas and called us a bunch of "fackin' muppets".
None of us had remembered to get dressed. Ray also had his two sons and daughter there. His daughter was Lucy Davis from The Office (despite the fact her dad is Jasper Carrott). Slightly embarrassed we went back inside to get dressed.
I went out the back of the house to find my wife. It seemed the garden backed on to a lake and she was in a rowing boat on the lake. Unfortunately the rowing boat had run aground, so I had to wade in to rescue her. I had to try and pull the boat off the pebbly lake bottom and was digging away the stones to do this. Eventually I managed to get the rowing boat afloat again, and was pushing it back towards some sort of jetty.
At this point I was attacked by a crocodile, which I was surprised about given that crocodiles tend not to reside in fresh water lakes in Northern Europe. I kicked it off the first time, but then it came back for another bite. The struggle was so intense I woke up with a shock again.
Freakiness: 7
Nightmare Factor: 7
Amusement Factor: 5
Enjoyability: 5
Coherence: 8
Vividness: 7
Cheese: A cocktail of Brie, Stilton and Cheddar (had as part of a cheeseboard in a restaurant)
This dream was quite strange, but I do remember a specific segment very clearly. We were hanging around in a house (not a house I've ever seen before), there was me, my dad, my sister and a couple of other people (although I can't remember who).
There had clearly been a party as there were empty cans and glasses everywhere. It must have been the next morning, as it was daylight and we were all in our pyjamas watching TV.
There was a knock on the door, we got up to see who it was and it was a family down the street who had invited us over for lunch. It turned out the dad was Ray Winstone. We said we'd get ready and come down.
A bit later we all piled into the car (I'm not sure why, when we were only going down the road). Ray Winstone was outside and pointed out that we were still in our pyjamas and called us a bunch of "fackin' muppets".
None of us had remembered to get dressed. Ray also had his two sons and daughter there. His daughter was Lucy Davis from The Office (despite the fact her dad is Jasper Carrott). Slightly embarrassed we went back inside to get dressed.
I went out the back of the house to find my wife. It seemed the garden backed on to a lake and she was in a rowing boat on the lake. Unfortunately the rowing boat had run aground, so I had to wade in to rescue her. I had to try and pull the boat off the pebbly lake bottom and was digging away the stones to do this. Eventually I managed to get the rowing boat afloat again, and was pushing it back towards some sort of jetty.
At this point I was attacked by a crocodile, which I was surprised about given that crocodiles tend not to reside in fresh water lakes in Northern Europe. I kicked it off the first time, but then it came back for another bite. The struggle was so intense I woke up with a shock again.
Freakiness: 7
Nightmare Factor: 7
Amusement Factor: 5
Enjoyability: 5
Coherence: 8
Vividness: 7
Snowboard from the Past
I've been busy for the last week or so, therefore I'm doing a double-hit. Here's post one.
Cheese: Cheddar (melted on toast)
I was snowboarding on piste on a mountain somewhere, I was with a number of people, but the only one I recall was a former friend from school who I was very good friends with at school, but I don't think I've seen them for about 12 years.
I went up and down one slope several times, it was very long and quite steep in places. It was a bit hairy but also great fun. There were often snowball fights going on at the bottom of the slope. Bizarrely there was also a shoe shop there.
After a few runs me and my friend decided to go up to the top of the mountain. We disappeared into the cloud and kept getting on more and more lifts. Eventually we broke through the cloud and into the sunshine.
We got to the top of the mountain where our log cabin was. Strangely there was also a road going up there too. We decided to snowboard all the way home. Before doing so we packed all our stuff into my car which someone else was going to drive down for us.
At that point my friend disappeared off the edge of the mountain and flew down the incredibly steep snow clad sides. I tightened my bindings, pulled my goggles on and let fly down the mountain side. The adrenaline rush was so great I woke up with a shock.
Freakiness: 6
Nightmare Factor: 6
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 8
Coherence: 4
Vividness: 6
Cheese: Cheddar (melted on toast)
I was snowboarding on piste on a mountain somewhere, I was with a number of people, but the only one I recall was a former friend from school who I was very good friends with at school, but I don't think I've seen them for about 12 years.
I went up and down one slope several times, it was very long and quite steep in places. It was a bit hairy but also great fun. There were often snowball fights going on at the bottom of the slope. Bizarrely there was also a shoe shop there.
After a few runs me and my friend decided to go up to the top of the mountain. We disappeared into the cloud and kept getting on more and more lifts. Eventually we broke through the cloud and into the sunshine.
We got to the top of the mountain where our log cabin was. Strangely there was also a road going up there too. We decided to snowboard all the way home. Before doing so we packed all our stuff into my car which someone else was going to drive down for us.
At that point my friend disappeared off the edge of the mountain and flew down the incredibly steep snow clad sides. I tightened my bindings, pulled my goggles on and let fly down the mountain side. The adrenaline rush was so great I woke up with a shock.
Freakiness: 6
Nightmare Factor: 6
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 8
Coherence: 4
Vividness: 6
Monday 1 March 2010
Dreamer's Block
I've had a bit of dreamers block recently, some very nice Wensleydale Blue seemed to have no effect at all.
However a bit of Swaledale Goat's Cheese seemed to provoke some dreaming action.
Cheese: Swaledale Goat (approx. 80g)
This dream was not very coherent at all and I can only remember bits and pieces.
I was trying to fix an IT system that was immensely complex, trying to figure out how it worked was proving very difficult indeed. It had clearly been written in a very cryptic way.
I was just starting to make some progress on it when a senior IT manager from my work came over and told me that if I didn't have it sorted in a week I'd be sacked.
I reacted very badly to this and told him fuck right off. To hammer the point home, I stood over him and glowered down on him. He started to back track very quickly. I was the only person around who could sort this out (as I'd been brought in explicitly to do so).
He then said that obviously 'I wouldn't be in trouble' if I couldn't do it in time. I called him a silly cunt and told him that he'd better get 'the fuck out of my face'. This was extremely cathartic!
He disappeared off and I continued to work. I made some decent progress until my cousin Louis showed up unexpectedly from Chicago and asked me if I wanted to smoke a bong. It was packed full of lush smelly skunk. I was fairly reluctant as I was working, but he persuaded me to at least take a break for a bit, even if I wasn't going to smoke the bong.
We went outside and found ourselves in the middle of a concert. After a few minutes of wondering what was going on Blind Melon came on to play (despite being defunct since the death of their lead singer in 1994). During the gig I had an epiphany about the IT system I'd been looking at and went back inside at the end of the gig to go and sort it out.
When I got in there, my wife had already fixed it all, in exactly the way I was going to do it, despite the fact that she has no previous commercial IT experience. I was very proud of her, but also slightly annoyed that I hadn't got to implement the rather clever solution myself.
Freakiness: 7
Nightmare Factor: 6
Amusement Factor: 5
Enjoyability: 8
Coherence: 3
Vividness: 4
However a bit of Swaledale Goat's Cheese seemed to provoke some dreaming action.
Cheese: Swaledale Goat (approx. 80g)
This dream was not very coherent at all and I can only remember bits and pieces.
I was trying to fix an IT system that was immensely complex, trying to figure out how it worked was proving very difficult indeed. It had clearly been written in a very cryptic way.
I was just starting to make some progress on it when a senior IT manager from my work came over and told me that if I didn't have it sorted in a week I'd be sacked.
I reacted very badly to this and told him fuck right off. To hammer the point home, I stood over him and glowered down on him. He started to back track very quickly. I was the only person around who could sort this out (as I'd been brought in explicitly to do so).
He then said that obviously 'I wouldn't be in trouble' if I couldn't do it in time. I called him a silly cunt and told him that he'd better get 'the fuck out of my face'. This was extremely cathartic!
He disappeared off and I continued to work. I made some decent progress until my cousin Louis showed up unexpectedly from Chicago and asked me if I wanted to smoke a bong. It was packed full of lush smelly skunk. I was fairly reluctant as I was working, but he persuaded me to at least take a break for a bit, even if I wasn't going to smoke the bong.
We went outside and found ourselves in the middle of a concert. After a few minutes of wondering what was going on Blind Melon came on to play (despite being defunct since the death of their lead singer in 1994). During the gig I had an epiphany about the IT system I'd been looking at and went back inside at the end of the gig to go and sort it out.
When I got in there, my wife had already fixed it all, in exactly the way I was going to do it, despite the fact that she has no previous commercial IT experience. I was very proud of her, but also slightly annoyed that I hadn't got to implement the rather clever solution myself.
Freakiness: 7
Nightmare Factor: 6
Amusement Factor: 5
Enjoyability: 8
Coherence: 3
Vividness: 4
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