Franz

Cheese: Cheshire (approx. 50g)

In what was a truly bizarre and disturbing dream, many things happened, and on waking I found it very difficult to piece them all together.

The central theme of the dream, as I recall, was my 10 year old ethnic Bolivian second cousin was marrying his 34 year old primary school teacher, and to be fair to my little cousin, she was an absolute hottie. However, everyone, including myself, was very concerned at the prospect of a ten year old boy getting married.

There were many comings and goings as we tried to get to the bottom of what was happening, and indeed how such a union could possibly be performed. My cousin didn't care though, despite being only ten, the benefits of shacking up with a red hot babe were clearly not lost on him, and he was truly excited by the prospect. He seemed to be genuinely enamored with his would-be bride too.

The wedding was clearly very close, as everyone was dressed in their finest and we were in some plush hotel, which I could only assume was the wedding venue. While all this hoo-ha was going on and everyone was trying to get to the bottom of what was happening, I suddenly noticed German football legend Franz Beckenbauer, the only man to captain and manage World Cup winning teams.

However, this was not Franz as he is now, but a much younger Franz early on in his playing career (well before growing his ridiculous 70s sideburns). I got talking to him, and he told me he was there as a guest of honour at a football tournament going on in the hotel grounds. He said he could show me where the tournament was happening.

As we walked out of the hotel, I asked him if he was going to return the 1975 European Cup to its rightful owners. He smiled and mumbled something about it not being his fault. He said he got the ball when he brought down Allan Clarke, I said 'That's absolute bollocks, he did you like a kipper and you were nowhere near'. He smiled again.

Round the back of the hotel was a massive field with about 20 5-a-side pitches and game happening on all of them. As I wandered round, I noticed one team had a few guys I was at school with in.

One of them was taking a throw in, and managed to throw it from nearly the half way line right into the net. The referee correctly disallowed it as you can't score from a throw in.

Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 6
Amusement Factor: 3
Enjoyability: 4
Coherence: 3
Vividness: 7

World Cup Dreams

I've been working away quite a bit recently, hence the lack of posts. Once I've finished my stint (in a couple of weeks) I'm hoping to be more prolific in my posting (and the World Cup has finished too).

Cheese: Mature Cheddar

I was watching the World Cup final, and I'm not sure how or why but South Korea were in it, and doing really well. Everyone seemed to be supporting them.

I was watching with my late grandfather (my favourite aspect of dreaming is the ability to bring the dead back to life, albeit fleetingly). He was getting really into it and was regaling me with stories of when he used to play centre half for his university college.

It was the end of normal time and extra time was about to start, and I decided to go down to the pub to meet my mate Al. We got down there and the footie was still on. Everyone was supporting Korea and they got a penalty.

When Ji-Sung Park stepped up to slot it in, everyone went absolutely nuts, and Korea won the World Cup. After the trophy was collected, me and my mate decided to order some food at the pub.

I went up and ordered two food dishes and two drinks. They said they would bring the drinks over to us. We got into a long and involved conversation about the football, and a while later our food arrived, and we realised we still didn't have the drinks.

I went back to the bar to see what had happened to the drinks. I explained to the bar maid what had happened, she asked me what drinks I'd ordered - a J20 for me as I was driving and a pint of Tetley's for my mate. The bar maid then tried to charge me, and I explained we'd already paid.

At that point the bar manager intervened and I explained to her what had happened. At that point she asked me if I was driving, I said yes, and she told me I shouldn't drink and drive. I told her I was having the J20. She then tried to claim that J20s were 2.9% alcohol. I told her to fuck off and said that even if they were 2.9% alcohol, which they weren't, it would still be well under the drink drive limit.

She then started lecturing me about how I shouldn't drink at all if I was driving. Eventually I got the drinks off her and went and sat back down again. We ate our food pretty quickly, and I explained to Al what had happened, he thought they were an absolute bunch of jokers.

We left, and as we walked back to the car Al decided to show his dissatisfaction with their treatment of us by urinating against the back door of the pub. 'I'll give them customer feedback!' he yelled as the hot steaming piss gushed down the back door.

Freakiness: 4
Nightmare Factor: 5
Amusement Factor: 7
Enjoyability: 6
Coherence: 7
Vividness: 7