Cheese: Manchego (approx 80g)
For some reason we were moving and we found this really unusual house, which looked really nice when we went round to look at it. It was very large and spacious but had a really unusual layout with lots of rooms coming off the garage, including the kitchen and living room.
When we moved in, it seemed that all the rooms came off the garage, so going from the bedroom to the bathroom meant going through the garage. I'm sure it hadn't been like this when looked round, but maybe when we looked round we just hadn't looked closely enough.
Not only that, but the house seemed to be underground so there were no windows, which seemed really bizarre. Again we didn't seemed to have noticed this when looking round.
As we were moving stuff in I noticed a number of wasps in the garage and manage to find an enormous wasp's nest, but not normal wasps massive scary looking wasps.
I decided to try and take it down with the aid of an insect killing aerosol, although when I did this, the wasps just seemed to mutate into even bigger freakier wasps. At this point I also noticed a load of massive spiders in the corner of the garage.
The spiders seemed to be making their way towards the wasps, and before I knew what was going on there was all out war between the wasps and the spiders. The spiders just wrapped all the wasps up in webbing, and before long, the wasps had been easily contained.
I went back into the living room and couldn't help but think 'I can't believe we sold our house to live here'. Thankfully when I woke up, we hadn't.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 8
Amusement Factor: 3
Enjoyability: 2
Coherence: 3
Vividness: 7
Saturday, 22 May 2010
Monday, 10 May 2010
Dreaming Gate One and a bit
I almost got through Castaneda's Second Gate of Dreaming the other night, but unfortunately was unable to hold the state long enough.
Cheese: Gorgonzola (approx 80g)
I had 2 dreams back to back, in which I closed in upon Castaneda's Second Gate of Dreaming, but was unable to maintain the state long enough.
In the first one, I was on a track going through a wood. It must have been around this time of year as the trees had just come out, and the leaves were still a bright light green.
I managed to find my hands almost straight away, and looked up in front of me to see white horse about 100 metres or so up the track. I figured that was probably my scout, and tried to get there.
There was a dip in the path before the horse, and then a brow to get over again once in the dip. As I briskly walked through the dip, the horse briefly disappeared from view, as I came up the brow, the horse had turned into a cow.
Once I got to the cow, I wasn't really sure what to do, I was expecting it to lead me off somewhere, but it just stared blankly at me. I tried to talking to it, but it was just a cow, and not a magic talking cow.
At this point I was unable to maintain the state of dreaming, and briefly woke up again. I felt I had been close to the second gate, as I was almost conscious during the dream.
I started dreaming again, and this time was crossing a street and saw an old friend from school. Finding my hands was easy as I put my hand out to shake his, and watched our hands touch and shake.
He looked exactly the same as he did 15+ years ago. We briefly chatted about what we'd been up to, and I was amazed and how vividly I could see his face. Unfortunately the state did not last, and I drifted off into dreamless, non-REM deep sleep.
Freakiness: 7
Nightmare Factor: 3
Amusement Factor: 3
Enjoyability: 7
Coherence: 6
Vividness: 10
Cheese: Gorgonzola (approx 80g)
I had 2 dreams back to back, in which I closed in upon Castaneda's Second Gate of Dreaming, but was unable to maintain the state long enough.
In the first one, I was on a track going through a wood. It must have been around this time of year as the trees had just come out, and the leaves were still a bright light green.
I managed to find my hands almost straight away, and looked up in front of me to see white horse about 100 metres or so up the track. I figured that was probably my scout, and tried to get there.
There was a dip in the path before the horse, and then a brow to get over again once in the dip. As I briskly walked through the dip, the horse briefly disappeared from view, as I came up the brow, the horse had turned into a cow.
Once I got to the cow, I wasn't really sure what to do, I was expecting it to lead me off somewhere, but it just stared blankly at me. I tried to talking to it, but it was just a cow, and not a magic talking cow.
At this point I was unable to maintain the state of dreaming, and briefly woke up again. I felt I had been close to the second gate, as I was almost conscious during the dream.
I started dreaming again, and this time was crossing a street and saw an old friend from school. Finding my hands was easy as I put my hand out to shake his, and watched our hands touch and shake.
He looked exactly the same as he did 15+ years ago. We briefly chatted about what we'd been up to, and I was amazed and how vividly I could see his face. Unfortunately the state did not last, and I drifted off into dreamless, non-REM deep sleep.
Freakiness: 7
Nightmare Factor: 3
Amusement Factor: 3
Enjoyability: 7
Coherence: 6
Vividness: 10
Is There Anybody Out There?
It seems that there is. While visiting some of my favourite relatives, I met some readers - Jo and Dena (I hope I've spelled that right!)
It seems my cheese fuelled scribblings of insanity are not purely for my own enjoyment, which if nothing else makes me feel a little less indulgent. Although it also did make me realise that I'm not just talking to myself, and therefore feel obliged to provide something more of an explanation of why I'm undertaking this rather bizarre project.
First of all, I'm not really one of those people who thinks that dreams have some sort of special meaning - in my view my dreams are nothing more than a combination of my feelings and experiences processed by my brain when it is in neutral. I know there are some people who think if you have a certain type of dream it means you're anxious or paranoid or whatever, I look at it from the other direction, if you're anxious it will just come out in your dreams.
OK here's the deal, we all spend roughly 25 - 35% of our lives asleep, taking average life expectancy into account, that's around 20 - 25 years. A very long time, just ask someone in prison. Obviously you don't dream the whole time, but it's entirely likely that we spend up to 4 years of our lives in a dream like state.
How many of your dreams can you actually remember? Maybe one from the last few nights, and maybe a handful of others? Given the amount of time in your life you spend dreaming, it's a lot to forget. In many ways, that's the primary personal purpose of this blog for me, to enable me to get more out of my life by recording my dreams which would otherwise be forgotten.
Another reason is that often I will see or hear something that triggers a memory from a dream - sometimes a dream from many years ago, which can be a constant reminder of all the rich experiences were merely just forget because we happened to be asleep. It is my hope that after a while, when I have that experience of remembering a dream, I'll be able to look it up on this blog.
As for the cheese, well that's to try and give the dreams a bit of edge and make them a bit more vivid so they can stand out a bit more. I have had some amazing experiences dreaming on cheese. I'm also hoping (in vain) to start a whole movement of Cheese Surfing.
I would encourage anyone reading to post their own dreams, whether it be here, or by starting their own Cheese Surfing blog. If you would like to post anything here, just let me know in the comments section, and I'll sort a post out for you.
It seems my cheese fuelled scribblings of insanity are not purely for my own enjoyment, which if nothing else makes me feel a little less indulgent. Although it also did make me realise that I'm not just talking to myself, and therefore feel obliged to provide something more of an explanation of why I'm undertaking this rather bizarre project.
First of all, I'm not really one of those people who thinks that dreams have some sort of special meaning - in my view my dreams are nothing more than a combination of my feelings and experiences processed by my brain when it is in neutral. I know there are some people who think if you have a certain type of dream it means you're anxious or paranoid or whatever, I look at it from the other direction, if you're anxious it will just come out in your dreams.
OK here's the deal, we all spend roughly 25 - 35% of our lives asleep, taking average life expectancy into account, that's around 20 - 25 years. A very long time, just ask someone in prison. Obviously you don't dream the whole time, but it's entirely likely that we spend up to 4 years of our lives in a dream like state.
How many of your dreams can you actually remember? Maybe one from the last few nights, and maybe a handful of others? Given the amount of time in your life you spend dreaming, it's a lot to forget. In many ways, that's the primary personal purpose of this blog for me, to enable me to get more out of my life by recording my dreams which would otherwise be forgotten.
Another reason is that often I will see or hear something that triggers a memory from a dream - sometimes a dream from many years ago, which can be a constant reminder of all the rich experiences were merely just forget because we happened to be asleep. It is my hope that after a while, when I have that experience of remembering a dream, I'll be able to look it up on this blog.
As for the cheese, well that's to try and give the dreams a bit of edge and make them a bit more vivid so they can stand out a bit more. I have had some amazing experiences dreaming on cheese. I'm also hoping (in vain) to start a whole movement of Cheese Surfing.
I would encourage anyone reading to post their own dreams, whether it be here, or by starting their own Cheese Surfing blog. If you would like to post anything here, just let me know in the comments section, and I'll sort a post out for you.
Monday, 3 May 2010
Refurbishment
I know it's been a while since I posted, but the dreams seem to have dried up a little recently, I shall have to try some more potent cheese.
Cheese: Edam (approx 50g)
I was in some bizarre shared house, although I'm not sure whether I was a student again or not. There was a very messy living room with a makeshift sofa made out of a bed. Everyone had just moved in, and was trying to decide who would get which room. It must have been a big house as there was about 8 people there.
It quickly transpired that deciding on rooms was going to be a problem as there seemed to be more rooms than people. The discussion got quite heated, although I wasn't really contributing to it, there already seemed to be too many people talking.
I remember looking around in the kitchen diner area, and it was a real tip. The kitchen area was pretty disgusting, and I was thinking 'I really don't want to live here.'
Thankfully, the guitarist from Right Said Fred was there (Fred Fairbrass according to Wikipedia). While everyone else was arguing he said to me and my wife that he was having his house refurbished, but was looking for someone to rent a room. I told him we were up for that. He said that the downstairs of the house wasn't finished yet, but the bathrooms and bedrooms were, and we could go and have a look.
We set off to his house on foot, and it was a hot and gloriously sunny day. His house happened to be on a road adjacent to my parent's house, by complete coincidence. When we got there, the house was indeed amazing, it was huge and beautiful, but the downstairs was a complete building site.
By complete coincidence, the work was being overseen by my dad's cousin (he's not a builder or an architect, so I'm not sure why) who also lives just round the corner. He was there with his younger daughter, making sure everything was being done to spec.
He saw us and stopped and chatted. He said he was confident the work would be completed in a few weeks and he was really pleased with how it was going and it would look amazing. We agreed to move in.
Freakiness: 5
Nightmare Factor: 4
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 8
Coherence: 4
Vividness: 5
Cheese: Edam (approx 50g)
I was in some bizarre shared house, although I'm not sure whether I was a student again or not. There was a very messy living room with a makeshift sofa made out of a bed. Everyone had just moved in, and was trying to decide who would get which room. It must have been a big house as there was about 8 people there.
It quickly transpired that deciding on rooms was going to be a problem as there seemed to be more rooms than people. The discussion got quite heated, although I wasn't really contributing to it, there already seemed to be too many people talking.
I remember looking around in the kitchen diner area, and it was a real tip. The kitchen area was pretty disgusting, and I was thinking 'I really don't want to live here.'
Thankfully, the guitarist from Right Said Fred was there (Fred Fairbrass according to Wikipedia). While everyone else was arguing he said to me and my wife that he was having his house refurbished, but was looking for someone to rent a room. I told him we were up for that. He said that the downstairs of the house wasn't finished yet, but the bathrooms and bedrooms were, and we could go and have a look.
We set off to his house on foot, and it was a hot and gloriously sunny day. His house happened to be on a road adjacent to my parent's house, by complete coincidence. When we got there, the house was indeed amazing, it was huge and beautiful, but the downstairs was a complete building site.
By complete coincidence, the work was being overseen by my dad's cousin (he's not a builder or an architect, so I'm not sure why) who also lives just round the corner. He was there with his younger daughter, making sure everything was being done to spec.
He saw us and stopped and chatted. He said he was confident the work would be completed in a few weeks and he was really pleased with how it was going and it would look amazing. We agreed to move in.
Freakiness: 5
Nightmare Factor: 4
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 8
Coherence: 4
Vividness: 5
Tuesday, 20 April 2010
Bloodball
Cheese: Yorkshire Blue (approx. 50g)
I was in a sports hall - it was a big one. I was playing in a football match, but despite being indoor it was on a big pitch, and we were playing about 7 or 8 a side.
I wasn't sure what was at stake but the game was being taken very seriously, and there were quite a few people watching from a balcony above, including well-known biologist David Bellamy.
The game was becoming increasingly bad tempered and the tackles were flying. Some guy came flying into me, I managed to get out of the way, but I noticed he had sharpened blades attached to his boots.
There was a break in play, and I took the opportunity to put on some seriously hard core shin pads that completely covered my legs from the knee down and would have provided me with ample protection from the blades.
At this point I noticed our captain was Vinnie Jones. He was giving us a proper pep talk and telling us to get stuck in and not be bullied by 'these cunts'.
Shortly after play restarted, Vinnie was fouled and he reacted by head-butting the offending player. Everyone piled in, and I used this opportunity to grab hold of the ball and take a quick free kick. Amazingly the referee waved me on, and I dribbled up the field and put in a firm finish past the keeper, who happened to be a guy I'd worked with years back.
I didn't care though, I'd got the winner, although I wasn't going to hang around to celebrate as things were really kicking off, and I decided to bid a hasty retreat before getting sucked into the ruckus.
Freakiness: 6
Nightmare Factor: 7
Amusement Factor: 5
Enjoyability: 6
Coherence: 4
Vividness: 4
I was in a sports hall - it was a big one. I was playing in a football match, but despite being indoor it was on a big pitch, and we were playing about 7 or 8 a side.
I wasn't sure what was at stake but the game was being taken very seriously, and there were quite a few people watching from a balcony above, including well-known biologist David Bellamy.
The game was becoming increasingly bad tempered and the tackles were flying. Some guy came flying into me, I managed to get out of the way, but I noticed he had sharpened blades attached to his boots.
There was a break in play, and I took the opportunity to put on some seriously hard core shin pads that completely covered my legs from the knee down and would have provided me with ample protection from the blades.
At this point I noticed our captain was Vinnie Jones. He was giving us a proper pep talk and telling us to get stuck in and not be bullied by 'these cunts'.
Shortly after play restarted, Vinnie was fouled and he reacted by head-butting the offending player. Everyone piled in, and I used this opportunity to grab hold of the ball and take a quick free kick. Amazingly the referee waved me on, and I dribbled up the field and put in a firm finish past the keeper, who happened to be a guy I'd worked with years back.
I didn't care though, I'd got the winner, although I wasn't going to hang around to celebrate as things were really kicking off, and I decided to bid a hasty retreat before getting sucked into the ruckus.
Freakiness: 6
Nightmare Factor: 7
Amusement Factor: 5
Enjoyability: 6
Coherence: 4
Vividness: 4
Monday, 12 April 2010
Blast from the Past
Cheese: Lincolnshire Poacher (approx 100g)
I was at a large stadium with my wife and we were coming out of a Whitney Houston gig (I don't know how I was ever persuaded to go to a Whitney Houston gig). I don't remember the gig itself, just leaving.
We went to the car park to find the car, and on the way I saw an ex-girlfriend from years ago. She was with her husband or boyfriend. She clearly clocked me, but didn't react and just blanked me. I wasn't going to say anything to her, but I did point her out to my wife once she was walking away.
We got in the car and started to drive off. For some reason this stadium was in the middle of the country, so we pulled out of the car park on to a tiny country lane, which bizarrely was completely deserted once we got round the first corner. I think everyone else was heading back into town via a main road on the other side of the stadium.
It was a beautiful day, with bright sunlight, which was also strange given that gigs take place in the evening, and this one had finished but the sun was still high in the sky.
A few miles down the road, and I noticed something flapping out of the back of the car and stopped to secure it. There seemed to be a massive piece of netting, some of which was in the boot, but the rest was trailing out of the boot of the car. I decided to take the netting out and fold it up properly.
The netting was only about 2 or 3 foot wide, but it was literally a couple of miles long, and I had to walk for what seemed like miles down the road to lay it out so I could fold it properly. The whole folding process took absolutely ages, but eventually I got it all folded up and put it in the boot, and we drove off.
Freakiness: 4
Nightmare Factor: 5
Amusement Factor: 5
Enjoyability: 6
Coherence: 6
Vividness: 5
I was at a large stadium with my wife and we were coming out of a Whitney Houston gig (I don't know how I was ever persuaded to go to a Whitney Houston gig). I don't remember the gig itself, just leaving.
We went to the car park to find the car, and on the way I saw an ex-girlfriend from years ago. She was with her husband or boyfriend. She clearly clocked me, but didn't react and just blanked me. I wasn't going to say anything to her, but I did point her out to my wife once she was walking away.
We got in the car and started to drive off. For some reason this stadium was in the middle of the country, so we pulled out of the car park on to a tiny country lane, which bizarrely was completely deserted once we got round the first corner. I think everyone else was heading back into town via a main road on the other side of the stadium.
It was a beautiful day, with bright sunlight, which was also strange given that gigs take place in the evening, and this one had finished but the sun was still high in the sky.
A few miles down the road, and I noticed something flapping out of the back of the car and stopped to secure it. There seemed to be a massive piece of netting, some of which was in the boot, but the rest was trailing out of the boot of the car. I decided to take the netting out and fold it up properly.
The netting was only about 2 or 3 foot wide, but it was literally a couple of miles long, and I had to walk for what seemed like miles down the road to lay it out so I could fold it properly. The whole folding process took absolutely ages, but eventually I got it all folded up and put it in the boot, and we drove off.
Freakiness: 4
Nightmare Factor: 5
Amusement Factor: 5
Enjoyability: 6
Coherence: 6
Vividness: 5
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Monsters in The Parasol
Cheese: Isle of Mull (approx 100g)
I was driving down a motorway in a camper van with my wife and some friends and Giles Brandreth. I'm not sure what Brandreth was doing there, but he was pissing me right off, the irritating twat!
The motorway was completely deserted, I'm not sure why as it was the middle of the day, but we didn't see a soul. I'm not sure where we going, but we stopped by the side of the motorway next to some woods for a picnic.
It sounds strange to have a picnic by the side of the motorway, but as there was no-one on the motorway at all, it was actually nice and quiet. We got a folding picnic table out along with garden chairs and a parasol. It was all very civilised. Although Brandreth was annoying everyone by going on about the process of sun drying tomatoes.
There was a very strange noise coming from the woods. It sounded like a roar, but different. We were all a little bit unnerved. We then heard a similar noise, but closer. It then dawned on us that we seemed to be the only people in the world and maybe it was an idea to move on.
We packed up all the stuff in a bit of a hurry, and just as we were climbing into the camper van, a Tyrannosaurus Rex came out of the woods looking like it was hungry. We all piled into the van and I put my foot down. As I looked in the rear view mirror, I realised we'd left Giles Brandreth behind.
The T-Rex stooped down and took hold of Brandreth in its jaws. As it lifted its head high up, I couldn't believe how spindly and pathetic Brandreth's legs looked poking out of the T-Rex's mouth as they kicked for dear life. The T-Rex tossed him up the air and he was gone in two bites.
"Fuck, it's diced up Brandreth!" I shouted.
It clearly wasn't done and came running down the carriage way after us. There was no way we were going to outrun it in a battered old camper van. I could see a junction up ahead, and thought maybe I could give it the slip.
It came up on the inside, I swung hard left, through its legs, across the chevrons and on to the slip road heading down to the roundabout at the bottom. For a moment I thought the camper van was going to tip over, but I held it firm.
The T-Rex lost us for a moment, and although it saw us go down the slip road, I took a right at the roundabout, under the motorway, giving us enough cover to give it the slip. At this point, I started to wonder where we were. We were on the banks of a river, and I could see more dinosaurs across the river.
It was clear we weren't safe on land. After a quick discussion, it was decided the best thing to do would be to find a boat. I looked at a road sign and I can genuinely say for the first time in my life I thought "Thank God, we're in Hull!"
As we drove along the side of the river, we came to some boats moored by a jetty. We pulled up and quickly got on board the biggest boat, loading on as much stuff as we could find. We then headed out to sea.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 9
Amusement Factor: 5
Enjoyability: 5
Coherence: 8
Vividness: 6
I was driving down a motorway in a camper van with my wife and some friends and Giles Brandreth. I'm not sure what Brandreth was doing there, but he was pissing me right off, the irritating twat!
The motorway was completely deserted, I'm not sure why as it was the middle of the day, but we didn't see a soul. I'm not sure where we going, but we stopped by the side of the motorway next to some woods for a picnic.
It sounds strange to have a picnic by the side of the motorway, but as there was no-one on the motorway at all, it was actually nice and quiet. We got a folding picnic table out along with garden chairs and a parasol. It was all very civilised. Although Brandreth was annoying everyone by going on about the process of sun drying tomatoes.
There was a very strange noise coming from the woods. It sounded like a roar, but different. We were all a little bit unnerved. We then heard a similar noise, but closer. It then dawned on us that we seemed to be the only people in the world and maybe it was an idea to move on.
We packed up all the stuff in a bit of a hurry, and just as we were climbing into the camper van, a Tyrannosaurus Rex came out of the woods looking like it was hungry. We all piled into the van and I put my foot down. As I looked in the rear view mirror, I realised we'd left Giles Brandreth behind.
The T-Rex stooped down and took hold of Brandreth in its jaws. As it lifted its head high up, I couldn't believe how spindly and pathetic Brandreth's legs looked poking out of the T-Rex's mouth as they kicked for dear life. The T-Rex tossed him up the air and he was gone in two bites.
"Fuck, it's diced up Brandreth!" I shouted.
It clearly wasn't done and came running down the carriage way after us. There was no way we were going to outrun it in a battered old camper van. I could see a junction up ahead, and thought maybe I could give it the slip.
It came up on the inside, I swung hard left, through its legs, across the chevrons and on to the slip road heading down to the roundabout at the bottom. For a moment I thought the camper van was going to tip over, but I held it firm.
The T-Rex lost us for a moment, and although it saw us go down the slip road, I took a right at the roundabout, under the motorway, giving us enough cover to give it the slip. At this point, I started to wonder where we were. We were on the banks of a river, and I could see more dinosaurs across the river.
It was clear we weren't safe on land. After a quick discussion, it was decided the best thing to do would be to find a boat. I looked at a road sign and I can genuinely say for the first time in my life I thought "Thank God, we're in Hull!"
As we drove along the side of the river, we came to some boats moored by a jetty. We pulled up and quickly got on board the biggest boat, loading on as much stuff as we could find. We then headed out to sea.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 9
Amusement Factor: 5
Enjoyability: 5
Coherence: 8
Vividness: 6
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