Due to Mattie jr interrupting my sleeping patterns, cheese surfing has been very limited as of late. However, I did manage to get one in.
Cheese: Camembert (100g)
I was playing a game of football with some friends and a bunch of other people I didn't know. The people I didn't know were basically ruining the game as they kept picking the ball up and insisting on bizarre and ridiculous rule changes. After a while I got bored, and stopped playing.
I went back to get a shower and get changed. In the dressing room there was a TV which was showing the BBC news channel. Fiona Bruce was reading the news, but for reasons unknown she was dressed as a French Napoleonic soldier and looked like an extra in Les Miserables.
The story she was reading seemed to be about an imminent alien invasion, which made me think some sort of wind up was going on.
I left the dressing room and found myself in an office. The office was full of toys, although it wasn't clear whether the office was that of a toy company or if there were just loads of toys lying around.
There was a noise outside, and we all went to look out of the window to see what it was, we couldn't really get a good look and everyone was convinced it was a UFO. However, it turned out to be a military helicopter being flown by Fiona Bruce. The helicopter was full of Napoleonic French soldiers.
Fiona Bruce was gesticulating towards us, and I think she was trying to tell us that she was off to fight the UFOs. Sadly for her, at that moment a UFO appeared and blew up the helicopter.
At this point I grew very annoyed with all the toys lying around and decided that I really should go and do some proper work.
Freakiness: 7
Nightmare Factor: 6
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 5
Coherence: 7
Vividness: 6
Friday, 10 June 2011
Saturday, 16 April 2011
College Vampires
Cheese: Brie de Meaux
I was in a place that felt like an American college campus. There was a game of American football going on in a field and lots of big institutional looking buildings around.
I was following Admiral James T Kirk into one of the buildings, but keeping my distance in case he started singing.
Once I was in the building there was quite a sinister atmosphere, and something untoward was going on. I somehow managed to ascertain that was a faction of spies in the building.
There was clearly a bit of a cold war going on as lots of academics and characters from Star Trek were trying to sniff out the spies. After a while someone managed to expose the spies as vampires, at which point, their cover having been blown all hell broke loose and there was a load of vampires on the rampage.
People were running everywhere and severed, chewed up limbs were all over the shop. I managed to escape from the building, but almost got caught up in a case of mistaken identity when someone accused me of being a vampire. Luckily I happened to have some garlic on me, but I had to smear it all over my face to prove to them I wasn't a vampire. Thankfully they believed me.
At that point, a vampire turned up and shoved my accuser into a very large lump of mould. In order to escape the same fate, I scarpered quickly and woke up.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 9
Amusement Factor: 2
Enjoyability: 4
Coherence: 5
Vividness: 6
I was in a place that felt like an American college campus. There was a game of American football going on in a field and lots of big institutional looking buildings around.
I was following Admiral James T Kirk into one of the buildings, but keeping my distance in case he started singing.
Once I was in the building there was quite a sinister atmosphere, and something untoward was going on. I somehow managed to ascertain that was a faction of spies in the building.
There was clearly a bit of a cold war going on as lots of academics and characters from Star Trek were trying to sniff out the spies. After a while someone managed to expose the spies as vampires, at which point, their cover having been blown all hell broke loose and there was a load of vampires on the rampage.
People were running everywhere and severed, chewed up limbs were all over the shop. I managed to escape from the building, but almost got caught up in a case of mistaken identity when someone accused me of being a vampire. Luckily I happened to have some garlic on me, but I had to smear it all over my face to prove to them I wasn't a vampire. Thankfully they believed me.
At that point, a vampire turned up and shoved my accuser into a very large lump of mould. In order to escape the same fate, I scarpered quickly and woke up.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 9
Amusement Factor: 2
Enjoyability: 4
Coherence: 5
Vividness: 6
Monday, 11 April 2011
Fire Escape
Cheese: Stilton (approx. 100g)
I was in a very large single storey building. I seemed to be staying there when the roof caught fire. At first this was pretty terrifying, I ran to find my wife and cheese surfer jr and hurriedly took them out of the building.
The building was in large grounds, and there was a lot going on, but few people seemed to be bothered by the fire. Someone said that the fire brigade had been called and were on their way. I watched the roof as it burnt in a very timid fashion. Whatever the roof was made of, it clearly didn't burn very well.
In a field next to the building there was a game of cricket going on, and having lost interest in the fire I thought I'd go and see if I could join in. The people seemed quite pleased to welcome me to the game and after a bit of fielding in the out field, I was offered an over of bowling.
It was at this point that I realised the batsman was Sachin Tendulkar, former India captain and world record breaking batsman. I decided to just bowl as hard as I could and I managed to get him out with a leg stump yorker. The ball hit the very top of the stump and bounced off up in the air. Umpire Alan Davies had no hesitation in raising the finger.
After much celebration I went back to the burning building. The fire brigade still hadn't arrived and people were going in and out of the building. The roof being on fire seemed to be a fairly normal state. So I went back into the building and found my into a classroom where I sat in on a lesson of Mongolian for beginners. I can't remember any Mongolian though.
After a while I went back outside, only to see a large group of people gathered around in the car park. When I got closer, I could see there was some sort of fight going on, and it was a fight between a Wookie (the fictional hairy creatures from the Star Wars films) and a giant gibbon. And this gibbon was huge.
Even so the Wookie seemed to be winning. After a while the gibbon ran off and the crowd dispersed. Then Lemmy from Motorhead turned up selling ice creams.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 7
Amusement Factor: 4
Enjoyability: 5
Coherence: 4
Vividness: 6
I was in a very large single storey building. I seemed to be staying there when the roof caught fire. At first this was pretty terrifying, I ran to find my wife and cheese surfer jr and hurriedly took them out of the building.
The building was in large grounds, and there was a lot going on, but few people seemed to be bothered by the fire. Someone said that the fire brigade had been called and were on their way. I watched the roof as it burnt in a very timid fashion. Whatever the roof was made of, it clearly didn't burn very well.
In a field next to the building there was a game of cricket going on, and having lost interest in the fire I thought I'd go and see if I could join in. The people seemed quite pleased to welcome me to the game and after a bit of fielding in the out field, I was offered an over of bowling.
It was at this point that I realised the batsman was Sachin Tendulkar, former India captain and world record breaking batsman. I decided to just bowl as hard as I could and I managed to get him out with a leg stump yorker. The ball hit the very top of the stump and bounced off up in the air. Umpire Alan Davies had no hesitation in raising the finger.
After much celebration I went back to the burning building. The fire brigade still hadn't arrived and people were going in and out of the building. The roof being on fire seemed to be a fairly normal state. So I went back into the building and found my into a classroom where I sat in on a lesson of Mongolian for beginners. I can't remember any Mongolian though.
After a while I went back outside, only to see a large group of people gathered around in the car park. When I got closer, I could see there was some sort of fight going on, and it was a fight between a Wookie (the fictional hairy creatures from the Star Wars films) and a giant gibbon. And this gibbon was huge.
Even so the Wookie seemed to be winning. After a while the gibbon ran off and the crowd dispersed. Then Lemmy from Motorhead turned up selling ice creams.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 7
Amusement Factor: 4
Enjoyability: 5
Coherence: 4
Vividness: 6
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Return of the Cheese Surfer
The Cheese Surfer has returned. The hiatus was longer than planned, but it's pretty difficult to try and note down a dream when you've been woken by a screaming baby who needs feeding. However, Cheese Surfer jr is now sleeping pretty well.
The improved sleeping of Cheese Surfer jr has meant that I can recommence by surfing adventures once again.
Cheese: Brie de Meaux (approx. 120g)
A few months off surfing and I'm back with giant creamy wave of cheesy psychedelia. This one was a bit nuts!
I was staying in a tent with my US based uncle, which was strange, because of everyone I've ever met in my life he is the least likely to ever stay in a tent. Even less likely than my mother which is really saying something.
The next day we got up and we seemed to be in a shopping mall. We met up with my aunt and cousins, before going to the car park and driving off in a small jeep. We drove off and found ourselves on a coastal road. I was driving and decided it would be fun to drive on the beach.
I found a way down on to the sand and started pulling massive donuts while driving down the beach. It wasn't a hot tropical beach but more like a British beach - we weren't about to stop and go swimming.
A bit of a way along the beach, there was a club. We stopped, and me and my cousin went in to investigate. As we got closer, I could hear the Stone Roses song Elephant Stone blasting out, when we went in they were playing live. I was shocked by this given that they haven't played live in 15 years.
As we got in and got a good view, it was the full original line up, and Ian Brown was wielding his tambourine in full Manc swagger. I noticed Terry Christian in the crowd, and this detracted from the gig somewhat, as I had to fight the urge to punch him for being so annoying.
Somehow he seemed to notice that I was annoyed and came over and said to him 'Hey, at least I'm not Richard Blackwood'. I had to concede that he had a point, and I was less bothered after that.
At the end of the gig, I realised that a guy I used to work with owned the club, so I went over and had a chat with him. He seemed to be doing really well, but said that he only half-owned the club. He introduced me to the co-owner who was a really scary guy covered in tattoos. Apparently he was up for murder.
We left the club quite quickly, although I seem to have lost my cousin, so made my way back home on foot.
On my way back I got jumped by a bunch of thugs, they didn't hit me or hurt me, but they did nick my bag, which was a bit of a shitter.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 6
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 6
Coherence: 4
Vividness: 5
The improved sleeping of Cheese Surfer jr has meant that I can recommence by surfing adventures once again.
Cheese: Brie de Meaux (approx. 120g)
A few months off surfing and I'm back with giant creamy wave of cheesy psychedelia. This one was a bit nuts!
I was staying in a tent with my US based uncle, which was strange, because of everyone I've ever met in my life he is the least likely to ever stay in a tent. Even less likely than my mother which is really saying something.
The next day we got up and we seemed to be in a shopping mall. We met up with my aunt and cousins, before going to the car park and driving off in a small jeep. We drove off and found ourselves on a coastal road. I was driving and decided it would be fun to drive on the beach.
I found a way down on to the sand and started pulling massive donuts while driving down the beach. It wasn't a hot tropical beach but more like a British beach - we weren't about to stop and go swimming.
A bit of a way along the beach, there was a club. We stopped, and me and my cousin went in to investigate. As we got closer, I could hear the Stone Roses song Elephant Stone blasting out, when we went in they were playing live. I was shocked by this given that they haven't played live in 15 years.
As we got in and got a good view, it was the full original line up, and Ian Brown was wielding his tambourine in full Manc swagger. I noticed Terry Christian in the crowd, and this detracted from the gig somewhat, as I had to fight the urge to punch him for being so annoying.
Somehow he seemed to notice that I was annoyed and came over and said to him 'Hey, at least I'm not Richard Blackwood'. I had to concede that he had a point, and I was less bothered after that.
At the end of the gig, I realised that a guy I used to work with owned the club, so I went over and had a chat with him. He seemed to be doing really well, but said that he only half-owned the club. He introduced me to the co-owner who was a really scary guy covered in tattoos. Apparently he was up for murder.
We left the club quite quickly, although I seem to have lost my cousin, so made my way back home on foot.
On my way back I got jumped by a bunch of thugs, they didn't hit me or hurt me, but they did nick my bag, which was a bit of a shitter.
Freakiness: 8
Nightmare Factor: 6
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 6
Coherence: 4
Vividness: 5
Tuesday, 23 November 2010
A Short Break
Due to the arrival of the next generation of Cheese Surfer (Mattie Jr), I will be taking a short break from Cheese Surfing (and probably a long break from sleeping).
It is my hope that the Cheese Surfer will continue after a few weeks, although the needs of Mattie Jr may well interfere with dreaming coherence.
It is my hope that the Cheese Surfer will continue after a few weeks, although the needs of Mattie Jr may well interfere with dreaming coherence.
Thursday, 18 November 2010
Big House
Cheese: Vignotter (approx. 100g)
I was living in a huge house next to a railway. This place was seriously plush. There was an enormous triple garage, a massive downstairs, with a really nice living room. The place was done out really nicely.
There was a bathroom on a mezzanine floor which was the biggest nicest bathroom I've ever seen. It put the flashest hotels to shame. Really nicely done out with a spa bath, multi-headed double shower and double sinks. It was huge.
I was there with my wife, and we seemed to be sharing the place with another couple, the woman seemed to be the sister of a childhood friend (despite the fact that he didn't have a sister). The place was so big and nice that it didn't seem to matter that we were sharing it.
The railway line was right next to us, but it didn't seem to matter as there were very few trains passing on it, so the noise wasn't really an issue. It was also very hot, which made me wonder if we were abroad somewhere.
As part of moving in, I had bought a new TV (which I've also done in reality recently). This TV was absolutely huge and I had it wall mounted in the lounge. It looked pretty awesome and I settled down to watch football on it.
The woman in the other couple was also pregnant. She was explaining to us about how she was going to feed her placenta to her dog, because it would be 'really good for him', which was a bit gross, but seemed quite normal at the time.
I wondered into the basement at one point, only to find that there was a sports shop down there. They had a sale on so I bought a new football, some shin pads and an England shirt. It didn't occur to me at the time that having a sports shop in the basement was a bit weird.
I came back upstairs and we continued drinking and talking. I realised we'd been up all night and it was starting to get light now. We decided to have some food before going to bed, so we cooked up some bacon and eggs in the beautiful kitchen before going to bed.
As my wife and I got into bed I noticed the time on the bedside clock was 9:34am.
Freakiness: 6
Nightmare Factor: 2
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 8
Coherence: 8
Vividness: 7
I was living in a huge house next to a railway. This place was seriously plush. There was an enormous triple garage, a massive downstairs, with a really nice living room. The place was done out really nicely.
There was a bathroom on a mezzanine floor which was the biggest nicest bathroom I've ever seen. It put the flashest hotels to shame. Really nicely done out with a spa bath, multi-headed double shower and double sinks. It was huge.
I was there with my wife, and we seemed to be sharing the place with another couple, the woman seemed to be the sister of a childhood friend (despite the fact that he didn't have a sister). The place was so big and nice that it didn't seem to matter that we were sharing it.
The railway line was right next to us, but it didn't seem to matter as there were very few trains passing on it, so the noise wasn't really an issue. It was also very hot, which made me wonder if we were abroad somewhere.
As part of moving in, I had bought a new TV (which I've also done in reality recently). This TV was absolutely huge and I had it wall mounted in the lounge. It looked pretty awesome and I settled down to watch football on it.
The woman in the other couple was also pregnant. She was explaining to us about how she was going to feed her placenta to her dog, because it would be 'really good for him', which was a bit gross, but seemed quite normal at the time.
I wondered into the basement at one point, only to find that there was a sports shop down there. They had a sale on so I bought a new football, some shin pads and an England shirt. It didn't occur to me at the time that having a sports shop in the basement was a bit weird.
I came back upstairs and we continued drinking and talking. I realised we'd been up all night and it was starting to get light now. We decided to have some food before going to bed, so we cooked up some bacon and eggs in the beautiful kitchen before going to bed.
As my wife and I got into bed I noticed the time on the bedside clock was 9:34am.
Freakiness: 6
Nightmare Factor: 2
Amusement Factor: 6
Enjoyability: 8
Coherence: 8
Vividness: 7
Saturday, 13 November 2010
Another Jane's Addiction gig
Cheese: Montagnolo Affine (approx 100g)
I was in a room at what I think was a party, there was a band getting ready to play, which turned out to be Jane's Addiction. The room was sufficiently small that there were only a handful of people watching, one of whom was Bam Margera from Jackass.
I decided I probably should get too close to Bam Margera as being from Jackass he might decide to poo on me or something. Once the band started playing I did notice he had started to skin up a joint.
The gig was really good and the band were really going for it, despite only a handful of people watching. After a song or two they broke into Ocean Size, one of my favourite Jane's Addiction songs.
When the guitar solo came up, Dave Navarro went really nuts and started playing some crazy stuff which was great. Bam had been joined by Johnny Knoxville and Wee Man who were moshing away quite violently, and I made a point of keeping my distance. It seemed that Wee Man had decided he wanted to go crowd surfing, but as there weren't really enough people, he had to be content with Knoxville and Margera throwing him at each other.
At one point, I had to duck as Wee Man sailed over my head, and thankfully for him, straight into a sofa. I looked across and Knoxville and Margera who for some reason were now wearing nothing but thongs, and Knoxville rather sheepishly put a hand up as an acknowledged apology.
As the solo came to an end, the tempo changed and Dave Navarro started playing some jazz style stuff. The whole thing then went jazz, and the band did jazz versions of their songs for the rest of the set.
Freakiness: 4
Nightmare Factor: 2
Amusement Factor: 7
Enjoyability: 8
Coherence: 7
Vividness: 5
I was in a room at what I think was a party, there was a band getting ready to play, which turned out to be Jane's Addiction. The room was sufficiently small that there were only a handful of people watching, one of whom was Bam Margera from Jackass.
I decided I probably should get too close to Bam Margera as being from Jackass he might decide to poo on me or something. Once the band started playing I did notice he had started to skin up a joint.
The gig was really good and the band were really going for it, despite only a handful of people watching. After a song or two they broke into Ocean Size, one of my favourite Jane's Addiction songs.
When the guitar solo came up, Dave Navarro went really nuts and started playing some crazy stuff which was great. Bam had been joined by Johnny Knoxville and Wee Man who were moshing away quite violently, and I made a point of keeping my distance. It seemed that Wee Man had decided he wanted to go crowd surfing, but as there weren't really enough people, he had to be content with Knoxville and Margera throwing him at each other.
At one point, I had to duck as Wee Man sailed over my head, and thankfully for him, straight into a sofa. I looked across and Knoxville and Margera who for some reason were now wearing nothing but thongs, and Knoxville rather sheepishly put a hand up as an acknowledged apology.
As the solo came to an end, the tempo changed and Dave Navarro started playing some jazz style stuff. The whole thing then went jazz, and the band did jazz versions of their songs for the rest of the set.
Freakiness: 4
Nightmare Factor: 2
Amusement Factor: 7
Enjoyability: 8
Coherence: 7
Vividness: 5
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